Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The n00b

Living in San Angeles, A.K.A. "Hero City" has its ups and downs for Stanley J. Kirby. For instance, he lives in a city that has a nice population of super heroes. What could be better that that? There have been occasions that Stanley has met a few super powered individuals. He once ran into the Gamma Ray Gunslinger at Burger Bell. He was ordering a chimmy chonga. Stanley ordered the same thing so he could tell his friends that they ordered the same thing. There was this one time right after college that he shared a cab with Midget Tosser. Stanley was so enamored; he actually paid for The Tosser's fare. What was cool about that event is that Midget Tosser was on his way to his girlfriend's condo. The Amazonian Astronaut and Midget Tosser were in all the tabloids. It was scandalous. That day Amazonian Astronaut broke off their six year relationship. Midget Tosser added an "M" to his costume, turned to a life of crime and called himself the "Mad Midget Tosser."

Stanley works at Computropolis. Its an electronics' store that has comparable prices to other major discount centers. He's the manager of the video game department. Often there are times he invites his friends to the store after it closes. They usually order pizza and play Danger Zone 4. They challenge other clans around the world on the X-Station Wii-Sixty Live Network.

Sometimes, El Supremo Maximo's assistant, Kate, comes to the store. She always uses Stanley to make her purchases for El Supremo Maximo. Kate gave up a career in journalism to assist Maximo. She's mentioned to Stanley on numerous occasions, that working with Maximo beats meeting deadlines any day. El Supremo Maximo is the leader of the heroes in Hero City. He's the reason why ordinary people decide to be super heroes. You don't really need super powers per se. To be a hero, you just need to pass an ethics exam and pay your quarterly dues.

A villain in San Angeles on the other hand, just needs to commit a crime. Some criminals are pretty lame though. Just last week The Poodle Prince was arrested for stealing gumball machines. The thing about The Poodle Prince is he doesn't use poodles and does not have any royal blood in his body. But there are plenty of legit bad guys in the Villains Guild.

Negaton, the leader of the guild has escaped from numerous times from the super detention facility in the middle of the New Mexican desert. Its simply know as Sector Sixteen. Powers are negated when an inmate is processed, so escape is not really an option with temperatures over 120 degrees Fahrenheit and sun rays that could melt an engine block of a 1979 Buick Regal.

Yesterday marked the eight times Negaton has escaped. It had been in all the news outlets for people to be on the lookout. The search has been on for close to eighteen hours. Out of all the cities and countries in the world, Negaton ALWAYS comes back to San Angeles. It was more than likely some sort of retaliation against his arch nemesis, El Supremo Maximo. Captain Glory had been on television warning the citizens of San Angeles to stay out of high rises and avoid public transportation until they can confirm he is not in the city.

Stanley was watching the press conference on one of many plasma televisions at Computropolis. It was his night to close the store. Usually he'd have his friends over, but Kate asked him to breakfast in the morning and he wants to fresh and ready to go. Sometimes the game nights can go to four in the morning. Stanley usually lets the others go right away. As long as everyone does their job its no big deal closing at night.

On his way to his car, Stanley noticed a shooting star. He was about to make a wish but the "star's" trajectory started falling in his direction. He started running back to the store as the object crashed into the parking lot. The sound of the crash knocked Stanley to the concrete and blew out the windows of the store front.

Stanley brought himself to his feet and peered in the direction of the impact zone. He inched closer to the edge of the crater. The smoke started to clear and he could see something, someone moving. Dust and dirt started to clear and Stanley recognized the Green, Red and White armor. It was El Supremo Maximo.


Without a word, Maximo lifted his hand to Stanley for help. On instinct, Stanley reached out to help his hero. As he grabbed Maximo's hand, Stanley's insides started to burn. His skin seemed to bubble at the internal fire flaming inside. Stanley wanted to let go but couldn't. The burning stopped as Maximo let go. Confused, Stanley backed away from the defeated hero. No words could form as Stanley's mouth moved. Was he now mute? More than likely he was in shock.

As his hearing returned he heard the grinding of gears. The sound became louder and louder. It became almost deafening as a giant boom knocked Stanley down again. This time he wasn't thrown as far or hurting as much. In fact he felt no pain.

Back at the crater, he saw someone climb out.


No, it was Negaton. He was holding Maximo's armor and had an evil grin on his mechanical face. He approached Stanley without a word and lifted his cannon and fired.

Stanley thought he was surely dead. Instead the energy from the cannon seemed to be stored in his body. When Negaton noticed he wasn't dead, lifted his cannon again and fired. Stanley lifted his hands to block the attack, but felt energy leave his body. He looked at Negaton who was now covered in flames. He ran away from Stanley and took off in the air. A trail of fire and smoke followed him. He crashed in the park on the other side of the street.

Stanley didn't know what just happened. Within a few seconds construction crews were on the scene cleaning the place up. A limousine pulled up next to Stanley. The door opened and Captain Glory stepped out. Stanley usually would have freaked out seeing the heroes second in command. But with tonight's events, nothing surprised him anymore.

"Come take a ride with me. We need to talk to you about a new career field, noob."

1 comment:

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